Forgetting and Remembering

The mind is a funny thing to me.

I have memories buried deep within my brain I would like to remember, but can't seem to. Unimportant things, like how to make a parabola on a graphing calculator (I know, I could look that up online, but I haven't cared to so far). There are important memories lost too, like playing with my siblings, which I now can only see pictures of. I long to remember those times.

I have other memories that I would love to forget but they seemed burned into my brain, branding it forever. Most of those memories are bad. They cause sadness, heartache, and I hate them. And the fact that they are crystal clear hurts me even deeper.

So, I am trying to forge many new memories to take the place of both the forgotten memories and the ones I long to forget. And maybe someday I'll forget the bad memories, or at least I won't remember them as vividly, and I'll have wonderful stories to tell my children and grandchildren.

Right now, the stories I can tell the most vividly are the ones that show how I was hurt by someone who was supposed to be able to love me no matter what (not memories of D, he's provided me some wonderful ones already). Stories that I don't want to tell because of the emotions they bring out in me. Stories I doubt that I'll ever share here. The important thing is that I'm not focusing on those stories, but on the present and the future. I can't change the past and I like who I am today, which is of course based on the past. But I will keep striving to forget the hurts and find the happiness. Because when I have done as much of that as I can, then I will be truly free.

TTFN!